Thursday, November 19, 2009

Not a good dream.

I haven't remembered a dream in a while, but this morning I did remember one, and it wasn't very pleasant.

The only good part was that it involved David Tennant, who was obviously supposed to be Curtis Rx (but looked only like David Tennant). That's where the yay ends.

Because in this dream, I have somehow stumbled upon David Tennant's home address. And before I know it, I've decided to tease myself and drive there, just to see it. But I find myself parking my car somewhere on the side of the road, away from eyes, and walking up to the back door.

What the fuck am I doing.

And then I try to door knob. I know that this is WAY not ok, and if he catches me, I'm instantly on the outs, in an illegal not even close to being a friend sort of way. And since he knows me, knows my face (because David Tennant is Curtis) it would be extra bad, extra betraying, extra hurtful. I'm officially a stalker if I'm caught, so why the hell am I turning the knob?

But I turn it, and the door opens. I can hear a TV playing, and as I creep down a hallway, I suddenly spy David around the corner, watching TV. He's facing the hallway, but fortunately he's looking at the TV that must be against the wall around the corner. I dive into a nearby bathroom door and sit in the dark, heart racing. The door is mostly closed, but I can see him out of the crack of the hinge side. I feel absolutely panicked, because how in the fuck can I get out of here without being seen, but suddenly I am distracted by a bunch of family photos that are on a shelf. There is a red headed sister figure, and a brother that looks a lot like him, and then I slip and make a tiny noise.

I freeze and look out of the crack of the door. David is looking towards the door, frozen. Then I am suddenly afraid the door is leaning open, so I pull at it, and it makes a big obvious movement, and he bolts from his chair, horrified that someone is in his house, and dashes for the bathroom.

I streak from the bathroom before he can grab me, and he is shouting, but he hasn't seen my face. I just pray to god that he doesn't recognize the outfit I'm wearing, since it's the same thing I had on at the Creature Feature show (which has somehow, horribly, become a purple tutu and purple and pink striped leggings... don't ask me). I feel just fucking awful, and know there will be no way to appropriately apologize for breaking into someone's house. "I was curious," just doesn't cut it. I'm in tears with panic and regret. I'm also quite sure I will NEVER be able to outrun a 6'3" man.

But somehow I slip away from him back through a different part of the house, ending up in the garage. I hunker down and see him run across the lawn outside, then stop and look around frantically. I puts his hands on his head and looks terrified, angry and miserable. I want SO BADLY to make this right, but the only thing I can do is get the hell out of dodge at this point.

Then, out of the blue, guests start arriving at his house, some of the family I recognize from the pictures, and he desperately asks them if they were playing a prank on him just a minute ago. They give him blank looks and he dashes off again, practically running around in circles at this point, not knowing where to turn. I'm sure he's seconds away from calling the police, so I take a final mad dash out of my hiding spot (bumping through guests who don't know who I am or what's going on) and streak out to my car. It's dark at this point, so I know he can't tell it's me, and doesn't know I was the one in the house, even if he can see me get in my car. I have a last desperate thought about whether he might recognize my car, but drive off and wake up before anything else happens.

I've felt weird and sad all day because of this dream. Nothing like a dream to point out to you, blatantly, that you are nothing more than a creepy fan that will only ever bother and terrorize the important people you love. I feel like I really need to apologize to someone, but I don't know who, or what to say. "I'm sorry I apparently have it in me to break into your house - please forgive me and still be my friend." But do I apologize to Curtis or David Tennant?! Bla - stupid brain.

What a bad dream.

(Originally posted on August 17th, 2008)

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