What's that sound... is it a blog being written? My, it's been quite a long time. I'm all rusty, like a forgotten garden gate door. Only that sounds much more interesting than I feel right now. I've been experiencing the calling again lately to put words into the internet, but have once again, nothing in particular to write about. Or maybe it's that I have TOO much going on, and don't even know how to begin.
So let's start somewhere simple.
I'm moving. From Lombard to Berwyn. (Cue Svengoolie sound bite.)
I've been in this apartment for six years now. It is crumbling around me, and I've been anxious to move on for a very long time, but have not been sure how to proceed, or what would become of my future if I tried. I kept thinking that maybe if I stuck around, it would be good again, just like it was at first, exactly what it had promised to be. If I kept calling maintenance, eventually everything would be fixed, but despite efforts made, the problems remain beyond the skin of the apartment, like a cancer. One thing would be repaired, and yet more dust and mold would appear, malignant and metastatic, and the next thing would break. It's just not big enough for me, here. I keep getting more stuff, good and bad, and the apartment is certainly not growing with me.
But there just weren't places that seemed good enough to move to. I like the trees here. I like the yard. I like the bike path. I like how close it is to everything I do and enjoy. Nothing else seemed to offer the same, and I couldn't feature being happy anywhere else. All I imagined waiting for me was misery and regret.
Then some things really broke. Maybe for good. Maybe not. But I didn't know how these things could be fixed except by liberal applications of time and distance. And I found myself going out to explore what it might be like outside of this apartment and it's loneliness. Much to my surprise, good things happened. I found myself thrust into the smiling face of excitement and joy. Not at all the misery and regret I had been expecting. And suddenly it was ok to move.
...By now, I hope you understand that by "move" I of course mean "move on."
And that I'm not just talking about my apartment.