I don't want to go to bed.
I'm tired. I'm really tired, and I have to work tomorrow, and I have a lot of stuff to do tomorrow outside of work. It will be stressful and things may or may not fall apart, just like they always do when I need them to go right. I should go to bed.
But dammit. I don't want to go to bed. I want to talk. All the websites that I check seem to have gone to bed without me... no more new posts... nothing to talk about... but I'm not done yet. I'm not ready. I still want to say something. I still want to discover something or be impressed with something; I still want to create.
That's right. Welcome to crazy midnight Krista-town.
I really wish I could look forward to dreaming. I have this misguided feeling inside of me, of a lurking "Oh boy, I can't wait to dream!" as if it's an episode of a TV show that I love. But there's no guaranteeing that I will dream if I go to sleep. And there's no guaranteeing that I will dream what I want to dream even if I do dream. I really, really, REALLY wish there was a way I could program my dreams. To set up scripts or scenarios and watch them play out. Like an effortless, magical theatre, where all the players come from who knows where and go back that way once the night is over; no rehearsals, no audience, just the IT of it all. And you're the star. If you want to be. It would be like playing pretend... GOD I miss being a kid and having that still be an acceptable game. Why doesn't anyone play pretend anymore?!
I want to go to bed and instantly start dreaming. Because I'm not ready to sleep. I'm ready to DREAM. Stupid human brain, why can't I control you and the mysteries of the universe a little better?!
Alright, here's crossing my fingers for a dream. A fun dream. And exciting dream, featuring everyone I want to think about. I would even take the uncomfortable situations right now. I'd take the random guest appearances by people I never think about. I would take a nightmare. I just don't want to be alone in my head...
Someone come join me in my dreams, ok? I'll see you in about thirty minutes. (Be there or be square.)
(Originally posted on August 27th, 2008)