Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Born nurturer hates people

That's what my personal ad would say.

So, yesterday during a massage with a client who is a teacher, the client was telling me another ridiculously awful story about the quality of students in her english class; how everyone is looking at a phone constantly, no one does assignments, people show up 40 minutes late or leave halfway through, even a story of a guy who couldn't understand why the teacher didn't get his text saying he was going to miss class (her response, "the office phones are landlines, they don't get texts." WOW.)

She said some of her students want to be nurses (including the guy that abbreviates registered nurse as NR) but all universally say they are not interested in science. She says they will have a wake up call when they can't pass anatomy and physiology.

I told het that it was my first anatomy and physiology class that convinced me I should go into a medical field, because I was REALLY good at it and knew it would earn money, as opposed to the other things that I was really good at, like English, which would just put me on track to being a poor teacher who hates everyone even more than i already do.

She laughed wildly.

Then she asked, if I hate people, how come i seem to enjoy my career as a massage therapist so much, and am so good at it?

So... Huh. I have thought of this before, but never come up with really satisfying answers.

Like, "I appreciate helping individuals but hate groups."  Or "I just do it because I want praise."

Yeah, both of these are true. But i really do feel like each person that gets on my table, no matter how i feel about them as a person, is a child under my care that i need to nurture, heal and protect.

But damn, i honestly dislike the majority of humans that I know of. I don't hate most people that i meet, I just don't care about them. It takes someone really special for me to feel like, if you disappeared from the planet right now, I would miss you. I only have a small handful of people i would consider good friends.

The flip side of the coin is that i have a jillion acquaintances, because I'm so eager to please that everyone likes me to some degree. I don't care about these people at all, but i have to make sure they like me. For some reason.

And the few people that I know personally and hate, I wish slow death and suffering upon. These are also the only people that I don't try to please.

Perhaps my choice of careers reflects emotional damage when I was a kid in an abusive elementary school; trying to stay out of the sight of bullies and being extra nice and charming so no one would want to hurt me, but LOATHING everyone around me with the burning hatred of a thousand suns.

Take away message; if your kid doesn't hang themselves or shoot up the place because of school bullies, they'll probably make good health care professionals.  (I KID BECAUSE I LOVE.)

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